Ive had Schizophrenia for about 10 years now. I was first diagnosed with Drug-induced Psychosis, probably from taking Magic Mushrooms a lot. Every time I recovered from having a psychotic episode that usually lasted a month or two, Id get tapered off my Anti – Psychotic Medication and get back to normal, or, Id just stop taking it. Then Id take more Magic Mushrooms! And see things and trip out and end up going mad again, and back into hospital and on Anti-Psychotics again…. that was the cycle for about 6 years till I finally stopped doing that, and just stayed on my medication. I had no choice because Id signed up for an Anti-Psychotic injection while I was crazy in hospital, thinking Id get out earlier but nope.. so Ive been on that, and pills since…
But one thing that has lasted since the last hospital admission 4 or 5 years ago, was visions. They cause no distress, and I actually enjoy them to be honest. I originally thought they were just a lingering symptom of schizophrenia, so I thought well if Im stuck with them I may aswell enjoy them!! I didnt tell the doctors, because they would just put my dose up and zombify me even more to make them go away. In fact I didnt tell anyone for a good 2 years, I just enjoyed them to myself.
It happens when I close my eyes, I start seeing visions that are like wee movies in my mind. Not like if you imagine something, but clearer and more distinct, like a hallucination kind of. I dont control them, theyre like a wee movie that runs on their own and some nights theyre more vivid than others.
They started as just random things like a 3 second scene of a busy street with people walking in black and white, or more specifically with no colour. Because they seem to be made of some sort of white light. For a long time, I seen nothing but a grey alien with its large black eyes staring at me, just standing there staring. I saw that most nights there were visions for a good few years…
I go into detail about that in the above song. As I say, they come in colour more now, with the first true all colour vision being of a cartoon scene on a beach with certain characters there celebrating something, and confetti going everywhere. it was actually spectacular how bright, detailed and big it all was! It literally filled my whole vision like a wide screen tv in my head!
The more these visions of certain scenes and things happened that made some kind of sense, I began to question that it was simply a schizophrenia symptom. I did some research and discovered that many people see things like this, visions that seem like a movie in the mind that just pop in out of nowhere, and seem to be controlled by someone or something else. in fact, its a psychic phenomenon known as Clairvoyance.
I go into it in one of my Steemit Articles about these visions. The more I researched, a picture began to form in my mind that instead of being a mental illness, what I had was possibly some sort of psychic gift! If that was the case, then anything anyone in history had ever written that was based on Clairvoyance and mystic abilities must have some truth to it… they mustve really seen these things as I did. That opened up a whole wealth of info Im still researching including the Gnostic texts, Kaballah, Rosecrucian lore and Ancient Egyptian beliefs amongst others!
It probably is a psychiatrists view that its all a mental illness, but in fact, if it is, then every other mystic in history is a schizophrenic. Jesus himself, would be sectioned, diagnosed and medicated in this day and age by these scientists gone mad! They would probably see Bhudda sitting under his tree where he reached Nirvana as a case of non compliance and mental illness! Theyre the crazy ones!!
With all this in mind, Ive started this section of my website to compile my own research on this topic into and help paint a picture of what exactly is going on here. It isnt just me going through this shit, I have close friends who are Schizophrenic, and many people out there are going through the same exact thing. It is my hope that with this research others like me will be given an alternative to a lifelong depressing mental illness diagnosis, and instead begin to see what they suffer from as possibly some sort of spiritual gift.
The difference between a Spiritual and a Psychotic experience, as described by the psychiatric literature itself is whether it causes the patient distress or not. Thats it. Hallucinations, voices, visions and beings seen are spiritual in nature, its only when you cant handle it and become distressed is it classified as a psychotic experience.
The fact that what Im experiencing might be spiritual in nature is like a shining ray of hope in my life that I havent suffered pointlessly. That there is a mystery that will take me years to solve, and theres more to life than a depressing diagnosis.
Ill be updating this section of the site regularly from now on with vision info and sources for research, feel free to leave a comment with any interesting stuff youd like me to talk about and together we can figure this stuff out!
Ill leave you with an article I wrote a while ago about this stuff, which might send you down a research wormhole into some interesting stuff:
Heres a Termite Jam I did about this stuff too, where youll find references to a whole lot of stuff you can look into: