What if, I was once a regular person. What if for various different reasons including trauma, drugs and genetics I became Schizophrenic. Then I began to hear voices in my head, that hurled abuse and screamed at me all day, everyday. Tormented, alone and confused, the voices began to take over. What if one of the voices began talking in my own voice, and I thought it was my true self. It talked in my voice so much it took over. I lost control, and I became one of the voices in my own head. What if Im screaming at myself because I lost my mind and I am now just a voice in my own head, screaming in torment and confusion because the real voice is now me.
Its a good idea for a song , lol. But I am Schizophrenic. Check this out, its a simulation of a day in the life of a Schizophrenic person. Its 100% accurate, and without medication , sometimes even with it, this goes on 24/7 in your head.
Some say the voices are you. Parts of you, that are talking for some reason. Maybe because your brain is out of whack. Its like sleep. When you dream, your mind becomes lots of other people, this is just like a waking nightmare, quite literally. Reasons for this happening can be Traumatic Experiences, Extreme Stress and Hallucinogenic Drug Trips gone awry, among others
Some say the voices are other people. I pondered this the last time they spoke to me, regularly tormenting me with evil statements about my weight and appearance. My actions, my thoughts. They knew everything, they easily twisted and used my own insecurities against me. It would usually get bad around 6 every evening, that prompted the theory that these are people, telepathic, evil people. They must get off work at 6 and telepathically torment me then!
Some say they are disembodies spirits. Angels, and Demons. Higher intelligences from another realm. The DMT Elves, Aliens. This belief is actually therapeutic. You feel gifted, full of wonder. And as Joe Rogan has debated, the truth of a belief is less important than the result you get from believing it. The Dalai Lama’s Oracle, the man who channels its spirit exhibited all the symptoms of Schizophrenia early in life. Instead of being sectioned and hospitalized, he was taught by a monk how to control it. Its extremely frustrating knowing there is a way to control this gift yet we live in a land that sees it as an illness.
Some say they are Government Black Project Satellites beaming thoughts into peoples heads! As you can see from the video, this is a very real phenomenon for those who go through it, your rational brain has to process the fact that your hearing voices when no one is speaking, so you gather theories. The delusional side of the illness/gift fixes these theories in place as beliefs, maybe because it is easier than trying to discern what is truth and what is fiction.
And finally, preachers claim its a trial by fire. A test from God. This too, is an empowering belief that helps you cope psychologically. If God has chosen you to go through a test, you are a chosen one. It really helps to believe there is some reason for this thing your going through and possibly an end in sight!
Whatever it is, it has meaning. What the voices say relate to your life. The visions you see, if your properly able to look at them metaphorically, mean something deeper. One theory is that it is a healing process the mind must go through, like a butterfly in a cocoon, you will emerge after 40 days and 40 nights, on average, similar to the prophetic process of the Old Testament of the Bible.
There are so many theories out there its hard to figure out which to believe! I think, whatever works best for you to live a happy life. Whatever helps the voices either stop, become manageable or turn into positive, helping friends. It can happen. There was a point where my voices would beat-box and I could hear the great MCs who have passed away, 2pac, Biggie, Big L, spitting rhymes Id never heard before, in their unique style, with actual talent in my head. It was like being tuned into a Schizophrenic Life After Death Hip-Hop Cypher.
Any experience with these voices, or visions that is empowering, and uplifting rather than traumatic is actually not psychotic at all, it is classed as a spiritual experience. I have had times where the clouds were reflecting my every thought in images , guiding me with wisdom towards profound mystical experiences. Like God himself was talking directly to me. I truly believed that Planet Earth is alive, a conscious being with the intelligence of all within it. That was a spiritual experience, because I have been happier and more joyful since it filled me with wonder.
If you are someone who , like me, suffers from Schizophrenia, or Bi-Polar or any other psychotic illness, I would just like to tell you that I know what you are going through, and I would like to let you know that in many countries it is seen as a gift. They are the countries with the highest recovery rates. Beliefs can empower you, beliefs such as the fact that Schizophrenia, may be an evolutionary advantage due to its roots in Shamanism.
If you are a loved one of someone with Schizophrenia, I encourage you to show them as much love and support as possible, and engage with their beliefs, and know that when seen metaphorically, they have meaning hidden underneath. Make sure they have a safe place where they can be themselves and don’t have to worry. Whatever you can do in a crisis without having to go through forced hospitalization, try your best to get through to them and reassure them.
If you are someone who is interested in Schizophrenia, maybe if you have heard of the stigma that we are all crazed Psychopaths that end up on crime shows, if you fear the illness/gift, please know that the stigma is all bullshit. Do what you can to end it, as will I.
I encourage everyone to visit your local library to learn more about this phenomenon, education is the only way to end the stigma.
Thanks for reading